Thursday, 1 October 2015

Things they never tell you....

Every one prepares you for the pain of child birth; what to eat to reduce it, what to bathe in, who to call, how much to's important that you know and understand that bringing a life into this world is not only hard work but also very painful( if you do it as God intended that is).....

One thing they don't prepare you for, though, is the month after the child is born.
Sure,seeing a little life that came out of you and is a chromosomal fusion of you and the man you love more than life itself is an indescribable elation but fast forward to around day 5 when that baby is home with you and slowly by slowly your sanity begins to dwindle away....the rut that is routine begins to sink its teeth so deep into your psyche that you adopt a sort of comatose state of mind...the colours that describe dusk and dawn simply shift by with no particular particular joy to look forward to.

Of course there are tiny victories as you try to adjust to this new life. Like when he shocked you all and slept through the night( problem is, all of you had slept through the day in preparation of his nocturnal behaviour so still, no sleep)...or that moment when his cord fell off.small victory for some but you see some doesn't have a mother who constantly tells you about the trouble she had with each of her children's cords falling off and doesn't keep exclaiming how come it hasn't fallen seeing it fall all on its own, no complication, no dejavus of my mother's experiences, was a very big victory for me.....or that time he squeezed your finger with his little hand, or had his first dramatic moment when he pushed your breast away and let you fight to feed him simply because you had taken too long to respond to his obvious call for milk that is his.(every child has a diva in them somewhere)

All those countless victories are probably the only strings holding you together as you adjust to this very very new way of life...a sleep deprived, baby driven sort of life.

No one tells you about the nights you'll wake up with him crying irreconsolably(if that's a word) and since he can't speak you have to employ the elimination he wet? Tired? Hungry? Hurt?  Cold? Sick? What is wrong with my baby?!?!?

They never tell you before hand that there will be things that he will do that are completely normal but will freak the hell out of you and make you think you are the world's worst mum. Like his feeding every 30 minutes or so...(of course depending on who is with you but if the voice you are constantly hearing is one that is telling you that you arent feeding him enough or right or your breast milk is too little, even if it drips and wets your whole dress whenever you miss feeding him, you start to believe that voice. Start to question a lot of things and it begins to tag even harder on that thing you used to call your sanity.....)

Child birth is one of life's greatest joys. Seeing a little human who is composed of half your DNA is oh so joyous...but like all life's great things, it doesnt come without any hurdles. However we often look at the crown and forget the cross.

I'm finding ways to adjust, ways to learn. I will, however, be sure to prepare whomever i can for not only the pain of child birth( which produces a beautiful life after the pain is overcome) but also the likely mental pain that will come in the beginning after( which serves to make you stronger, and in more ways than one, less and less selfish. I think it is in these first few weeks that that motherly love they speak so highly of begins to be beautifully curved. You look at that baby and realise he is worth even your own sanity....

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