Today has been a dull day.no. a bad day. For some reason the beginning of this blog feels like a diary entry but stay with me. It isn’t. today has been one of those days when you have such a bad day that you don’t even have the mental energy to fully acknowledge how terrible a day it really is. The kind of day when you are on auto pilot; wake up, drag your feet to the bathroom, take a shower, drag yourself back to bed and force upon yourself a slumber that will hopefully last through at least half of the day.(the nap was actually the best part of my day) anyway, amidst the suffocating feeling of how much of a vacuum my day was, I found some time to think; to ponder. I thought about the quality of my days of late. Of how stuck in a rut my life had started to feel and how much I hate routine. Don’t get me wrong. This is not one of those times where people whine about how boring their lives are of late yet they are not doing anything to change them. No, I have been doing literally everything to change but somehow it feels like the doors just won’t open; as if I forgot the password to sesame and my repetition of different recitations just locks it even tighter.
So somewhere between my naps, I thought about something someone wise had earlier told me. ‘what if God wants you to learn something that you just aren’t? what if you feel stuck in that place because there is a lesson you just aren’t getting right?’ At the moment he said it, I didn’t really want to hear it. I was pouring my heart out to him and simply wanted him to hold me and tell me everything would be okay, not be my guru. Well ,I guess, not getting what we want can be a good thing too. Anyway, hours later, I got to thinking( and praying) and I realized that that wise man just might be right.
The school of life is not just a metaphor, I think it is a reality. We don’t just exist and breathe for the sake of being a statistic in the growing population of the homo sapiens. We have a purpose and every purpose has a plan. A carefully pre-designed blue print to our destiny. Now life being a school means we are going to have to take a whole lot of tests. And just like in school, we can’t progress to the next class if we don’t pass that exam or that test or if we never learned that lesson. I like to think of life as one huge staircase. We need the previous step to get to the next one; we need whatever lesson we will learn in one phase of our lives as equipment for the next phase of our lives.
That inadvertently led me to think of something else. The teacher/headmaster. GOD. I think that if life is a school then God is the principal, the teacher, the headmaster; basically the one who equips us with whatever we need to move to the next part of our lives. Sometimes we want to rush through the school and finish a certain stage before our time. But I am grateful that in his love and according to his perfect timing, God holds us in place. He knows how important certain lessons are for us so he only lets us go forward once we have learned that lesson. He of course, teaches us( in different ways) but sometimes in our stubbornness, we refuse to learn.
Now like the staircase that life feels to me, that also led me to think about something else. HOW GRATEFUL I AM for today. I know. It has been a totally bad day. But I have learned today, a lesson I wish I had learned many months ago. I have learned( or rather been reminded) that there is nothing that happens in my life just fwaa( I apologize for the colloquialism. I have always wanted to use that word in writing; without self-restraint) and for that I am grateful. I learned so many little lessons today one of which was how God has got my back. No matter how it may seem, IT WILL ALL BE OKAY. But I couldn’t see all this without first embracing a thankful heart. Gratitude was the lense through which I saw the different little lessons that warmed my heart today. So in a way, I am grateful for gratitude.
The rain may not always bring with it a rainbow but one thing is for sure, somewhere something is being brought to life by the pouring of that rain.